Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest

Oh, Johnny. You tried. Oh how you tried. Indeed, when you were swishing about the screen, I sat rapt, delighted. You look much better as a pirate libertine than as a syphilitic one. I like the smudgy eyeliner – it suits you.

My one complaint, and it does lead me to suggest that moviegoers considering seeing POTC:DMC (catchy, non?) in the theater hold off and get the DVD, which will hopefully have a “Depp scenes only” menu option, is that the Johnnyless scenes are unbearable.

If you must see it in the theater, rest assured that you can use the bathroom and/or visit the concession stand during the touching reunion between Orlando Boringloom and his pirate daddy. You won’t miss out on any entertainment, or plot points for that matter. And no matter how long you take, it will still feel like forever before Johnny is back on screen.

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